IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Essay topics: In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college , University or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the majority of an adults are living
together with
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 their parents even after graduation or landing upon a stable job. There is no doubt that living together creates a strong family bonding.
However
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, I think that the demerits of living together outweighs the advantages. First of all, living together not only enhances a good family bonding but as an adult, they can contribute to the family financially as well.
For instance
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: Lately, the cost of a living has skyrocated. From rent to groceries, everything is so expensive. So with the adults, living with their parents they do not have to worry about
this
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 expenses. Perhaps, they can contribute on supporting their family to fulfill these basic needs.
On the contrary
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, living with their families even after hitting the adulthood could lead to being too dependent on their parents. To elaborate, they might need help with every single decision making process.
This
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 leads them to be more dependable on their family.
For example
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: they might be too afraid to take risk on their workplace even though that might boost their careers.
Moreover
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, they might find hardships dealing with basic things when they move out.
For example
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: fixing the lights to cooking, and doing the basic household chores.
To conclude
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,
although
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 living with family could enhance the family relationships, living alone makes them more independable and become a problem-solver.

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task achievement
The introduction could provide a clearer thesis statement that directly outlines the advantages and disadvantages to be discussed.
coherence and cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases could be improved to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Each body paragraph could benefit from more detailed explanations and specific examples to support the points made.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear viewpoint regarding the disadvantages outweighing the advantages.
task achievement
Good effort in recognizing the importance of family bonding as a potential advantage of living together.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • boomerang generation
  • financial security
  • mutual dependence
  • nurturing environment
  • multi-generational households
  • intergenerational bonding
  • cultural heritage
  • autonomy
  • interpersonal conflicts
  • social norms
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