IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that it is necessary to take
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that risks always end with bad
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
, there is an argument that states the opposite.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
your personal
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 is so important, as there are important
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 need from you that.
In other
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words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 If you
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to go to school
that is
Linking Words
 a
risk
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, because you may succeed or fail •
Also
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 when you decide to marry someone he may be good or bad,
that is
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also
Linking Words
 a
risk
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, in
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
life
Use synonyms
, especially at work, if you don't take risks you
wouldn't
Correct your spelling
won't
 get recommended, whether by your boss or colleague because taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 means that you are doing something new, keeping in mind all the merits and demerits of it.
Correct your spelling
for
qFor
Correct your spelling
For
 example a company
Correct your spelling
manager
show examples
manger
Correct your spelling
manager
show examples
 who leads a successful company
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 open to
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 new
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
, as he
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
that is
Linking Words
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 way
of
Change preposition
to
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 development and evolution
On the other hand
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 ,
life
Use synonyms
 with no
risk
Use synonyms
 is
boaring
Correct your spelling
boring
boarding
, being encircled with repeated events will eventually lead to failure, as the whole world is renewing.It is
also
Linking Words
possibly
Change the word
possible
show examples
 to say that, It is impossible
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to take
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms
, daily
event
Change the noun form
events
show examples
 are full
decisions
Change preposition
of decisions
show examples
 and acts
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 unknown
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, making new
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
make
Verb problem
keeps
show examples
 you motivated and
refresh
Correct subject-verb agreement
refreshes
show examples
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 mind, as you Set on an optimistic intention in order to succeed.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in the late
1980
Correct your spelling
1980s
 Nokia Company refused to develop their phone and
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 the
andriod
Correct your spelling
android
 Systems
Linking Words
instead
Correct word choice
and instead
show examples
decided
Correct word choice
and decided
show examples
 to continue on the exact way of manufacturing,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 eventually led to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
Selling
Change preposition
in Selling
show examples
. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. In balance
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however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
risk
Use synonyms
 is a daily event
that is
Linking Words
 impossible to live without unless you're dead.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to make it clearer and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the connection between your ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that all statements are backed by relevant examples or explanations for clarity.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
There are relevant examples that illustrate your points, such as the mention of Nokia's decision.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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