IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the benefits of tourism outweigh the problems it creates in a particular place. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some would argue that tourism creates more merits than demerits in a specific spot.
This
Linking Words
 essay will assert that despite society may
negatively
Change the word
negative
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 impact on
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
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 state’s welfare, the benefits of globetrotting
such
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 as new incomes for
Use synonyms
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 economy, far outweigh any drawbacks. In recent times, the more
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people travel around the world, the greater their behaviour
provoke
Change the verb form
provokes
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 issues for the environment. As far as the way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists’
Change noun form
tourists
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acting
Replace the word
act
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 is concerned, a relevant number of people visiting common places or main attractions tend to violate or
disrespecting
Wrong verb form
disrespect
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Use synonyms
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 rules
Change preposition
by
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throwing garbage on the streets.
For example
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, in Switzerland, one of the most well-developed
Use synonyms
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 in Europe, the Government has recently
emitted
Verb problem
issued
show examples
 a law regarding one’s misbehaviour against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
That is
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 to say, if an inhabitant is seen tossing plastic packets from the window’s car, he/she will get a fine of 487 dollars.
However
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, it is a very case since new public awareness campaigns are spreading to stem the issue.
Conversely
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, travelling could have a positive impact on
Use synonyms
Add an article
the country
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country
Change noun form
country's
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 financial system. Not only do tourists contribute to
growing
Verb problem
the growth
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 of earnings, but
also
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 help to make countries more visible to the entire world. To illustrate,
according to
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 a recent data survey about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of tourism published
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Harvard University, it is estimated that 70 % of Indians survive thanks to money India has been receiving from
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of
upper class
Add a hyphen
upper-class
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 society.
Besides
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 improving
Use synonyms
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 economy, more people through social networks do publicity about the
country
Use synonyms
 one has visited.
To sum up
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,
although
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exist
Verb problem
there are
show examples
 several risks tourism can generate, the money that
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
 could make from travelling,
outbalance
Verb problem
outweighs
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 its disadvantages.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction has a clear thesis statement, but it could be more succinct. Consider rephrasing to make it clearer and more engaging. The conclusion is present but would benefit from a stronger closing statement that summarizes your argument more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the logical flow between your ideas is smooth. You may want to use more linking words and phrases to guide your reader through your argument. Some points feel disconnected, which affects the overall flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, providing more detailed evidence could enhance your argument. For instance, elaborating on the economic benefits of tourism with specific figures or studies would strengthen your point.
Task Achievement
Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and less repetitive. This will also improve the clarity of your ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, defending the view that tourism has more benefits than drawbacks, which is a strong point.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples that support your argument, indicating a good understanding of the topic and some research.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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