IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich and poor, while others believe that it is widening the opportunities for both groups. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been an ongoing debate about the impact of
technology
Use synonyms
 on economic inequality.
While
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 some argue that technological advancements widen the gap between the rich and the poor, others believe they create equal
opportunities
Use synonyms
 for all.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint that
technology
Use synonyms
, despite some limitations, provides greater
access
Use synonyms
 to
education
Use synonyms
 and financial
opportunities
Use synonyms
, helping to bridge economic disparities. On the one hand, many cut-edge devices, high-speed internet or advanced
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 are essential for
develope
Correct your spelling
developing
 or
operate
Wrong verb form
operating
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
However
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,
such
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 devices are expensive led to
limit
Replace the word
limited
show examples
access
Use synonyms
 for some individuals or small
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
, especially in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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rural areas.
As a result
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, those with
well
Correct word choice
good
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 financial resources can apply
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 tools to maximize profits and productivity
while
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 lower-income communities
difficult
Add a missing verb
are difficult
show examples
 to catch up with.
On the other hand
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, the rapid growth of
technology
Use synonyms
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
a significant benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
significant benefits
a significant benefit
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
access
Use synonyms
information
Change preposition
to information
show examples
,
Use synonyms
education
Correct word choice
and education
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 or even
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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 individual incomes for everyone. I strongly agree with
this
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 view
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due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several reasons.
Firstly
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, the internet
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 people
Use synonyms
access
Fix the infinitive
to access
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 a vast
mount
Correct your spelling
amount
show examples
 of information within a second.
Moreover
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, online
education
Use synonyms
 and e-learning platforms provide learning
opportunities
Use synonyms
 for everyone, regardless of location or income.
Secondly
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, the boom of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 creates a lot of new
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 and
opportunities
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 earning money for everyone. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 point is e-commerce where everybody can
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a seller without any physical store.
Thus
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, a farmer, a housewife or even a student can
winden
Correct your spelling
widen
 their incomes easily. In conclusion,
While
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 both arguments hold merit,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
with the highlight of
technology
Use synonyms
 brings to the development of individuals via
education
Use synonyms
 and increasing income, I strongly agree with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 point.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all ideas are clearly articulated and logically connected to improve clarity and understanding.
task achievement
More specific examples could enhance the strength of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance engagement and readability.
task achievement
You effectively introduced both sides of the debate, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summarizes your viewpoint and encapsulates the main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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