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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are choosing to live alone rather than with their families. What are the reasons for this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, individuals are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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opting for
alone
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an alone
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 lifestyle
instead
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 of being with their
parents
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. The main causes of
this
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 phenomenon are
independence
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along
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with
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apply
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job opportunities, and in my opinion, it is beneficial
due to
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 the fact that
people
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 become more ready for hardships. The most important reason why
people
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 prefer to live alone lie is
independence
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. In fact, many experts assert that living with
families
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 for
people
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 who are in their late 20th can accelerate the process of reliance. Despite the fact that humanity is a sociable creature and loathes loneliness, being with family can weaken their
independence
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. Having spent time with
parents
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 most of
time
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the time
show examples
,
people
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 may not grow the basic skills of living alone.
Furthermore
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, many jobs require
people
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 to work overseas. Persons should leave their comfort zone to achieve their goals,
thus
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 ending up leaving their
families
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.
For instance
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, a wide spectrum of Apple company accounts for
people
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 coming from other countries.
Therefore
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, they have possibly left their
families
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 to secure
such
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 a great place.
Although
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 it is believed that leaving
families
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 and staying alone can deteriorate personal character, it is a positive step for
people
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who are away from the protection of their
families
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 grow up more resilient. Having experienced many setbacks in life, they can live on their own and go through many difficulties.
Secondly
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, they grow a stronger sense of responsibility. If
people
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 lived with their
parents
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 for so long, they would not learn what responsibilities to take or
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 accountable for their mistakes.
According to
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 a survey conducted in Iran about successful young
people
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, it found out
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 main reason
of
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for
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 moving forward in life was that some learned their basic responsibilities, namely their role as a breadwinner and helping their
parents
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.
Hence
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, staying away from family is not as bad as many may consider and can cause
people
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 to excel from others.
To conclude
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, there is a logic behind Living away from
families
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,
for
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 many
people
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 seek
independence
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, and a variety of jobs require
people
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 to work out of their city or county.
While
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 many see
this
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 trend
a
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as a
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positive step, I believe it is positive
overall
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, not only does make
people
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 rigid and prepared but
also
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 they learn
taking
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to take
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 real responsibilities
of
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in
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 life.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing "more opting for alone lifestyle" to "more individuals are opting for a solitary lifestyle" for clarity and fluency.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to provide clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to offer more relevant and specific details, which will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
In your conclusion, clarify your thoughts on whether living alone is entirely positive or contains both positive and negative aspects, as this will improve the depth of your response.
task achievement
You present clear reasons for the trend of living alone, including independence and job opportunities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids the reader's understanding.
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