IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion.

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There is a debate over which type of
punishment
Use synonyms
 should be accepted for those who committed
a serious
Correct the article-noun agreement
serious crimes
a serious crime
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 should be selected, others argue that in modern society,
this
Linking Words
 should not be allowed.In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
death
Use synonyms
punishment
Use synonyms
 can decrease the percentage of
crimes
Use synonyms
, it can affect badly to the
country
Use synonyms
's tourism. Starting with
advantage
Correct article usage
the advantage
show examples
,
Use synonyms
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
penalty
Use synonyms
 can be the optimal way to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime rates. The reason is, as
death
Use synonyms
 is the worst
punishment
Use synonyms
, no one
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to be punished for
this
Linking Words
.
People
Use synonyms
 can
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
committing illegal activities
due to
Linking Words
 the risk of getting
Use synonyms
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
penalty
Use synonyms
. As individuals
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
punishment
Use synonyms
 which their attitudes can lead
, they
Change preposition
to, they
show examples
 likely try to not take part in
crimes
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past, in some countries in Asia especially in Russia there was a
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 and in that period the ratings of violence
such
Linking Words
 as killing somebody dropped
due to
Linking Words
fright
Correct article usage
the fright
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 to
death
Use synonyms
. Regarding
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishments like
death
Use synonyms
 can
be affected
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the tourism of the
country
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 which has accepted it.
As
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of
punishment
Use synonyms
 is the thing of the past.
Due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 may move to
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
 which is why if there is
Use synonyms
death
Add an article
the death
a death
show examples
penalty
Use synonyms
 in one
country
Use synonyms
, other rules can
also
Linking Words
 be very strict and
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 by other rules, may break the rules of the
country
Use synonyms
 which has strict law, they can be punished by misunderstandings. In conclusion,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
Use synonyms
 can decrease the proportion of
crimes
Use synonyms
, it can be bad for the economy of the
country
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer if it addressed the topic more directly, perhaps by briefly stating both perspectives before giving your opinion. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your points with appropriate linking words to improve the flow of ideas. For example, you can use 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to differentiate between advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
A more thorough exploration of the negative impact on tourism is needed. Provide specific examples or data to make your point stronger.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is a strong aspect of task response.
task achievement
You make a good effort to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of capital punishment, which is important for addressing the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
What to do next:
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