IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows annual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries

The graph below shows annual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries
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The bar graph shows the yearly average consumption of groundwater and the public supply of different
business
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businesses
show examples
 in some nations.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that a high
amount
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 of
water
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 from the
ground
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are
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is
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 mostly used by industries included in the study,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least
amount
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are
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is
show examples
 from public supply.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the chemical industries have the highest
amount
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 of
water
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 consumption,
whereas
Linking Words
 fuels, machinery, and textiles are the lowest consumers. The chemical companies consume the highest
amount
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 of
waters
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water
show examples
from both suppliers, with the
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ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
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 about 430
million
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 cubic
meters
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,
while
Linking Words
 240
million
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 cubic
meters
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 from the public supply.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by metal industries at 240
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 cubic
meter
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meters
show examples
groundwater
Change preposition
of groundwater
show examples
 supply every year;
although
Linking Words
 it only consumes 90
million
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 cubic
meters
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 from
public
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the public
a public
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 supply.
In contrast
Linking Words
, machinery uses only 10
million
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 cubic
meters
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 of
water
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 from the
ground
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, textiles and fuels consume the same
amount
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 of
water
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 from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 with only 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
foods
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food
show examples
 or drink and paper companies use 190
million
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 cubic
meters
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 of
water
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 from public and
ground
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water
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 supply, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, water, ground, million, meters with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
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