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Writing Samples
Band 5

The children need to learn discipline from their parents. On the other hand, teachers also can teach them discipline. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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 some say
teachers
Use synonyms
 need to educate children, parenting is the best method to nurture kids. Both of them have an enormous influence towards their discipline, life education has to be taught by
parents
Use synonyms
 mostly. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and prove my point.
Initially
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,
teachers
Use synonyms
 come to students' lives temporarily and teach mostly academic topics.
Additionally
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, even the homeroom
teachers
Use synonyms
 have less time to spend than
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, a subject teacher
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 3 academic hours, which is 120 minutes, on average, sometimes even less.
On the contrary
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 spend 4-6 hours a day. Even considering the approximate time spent,
parents
Use synonyms
' nurturing has to be bigger.
On the other hand
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, becoming literate is not just about acquiring academic knowledge,
also
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 a part of the process is discipline to learn.
For example
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, many talented individuals, who can potentially be the heroes who
prevented
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 cancer, don'
t
Use synonyms
 try hard to study and don'
t
Use synonyms
 hear what their teacher teaches.
Moreover
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, mostly, once a man is called talented, he stops trying hard to succeed in anything.
However
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, persistent people achieve what they want and are nurtured by strict
teachers
Use synonyms
 who discipline them. So persistence is the key and
teachers
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 can'
t
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 teach it but they can work with those who have it.
To conclude
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, without proper parenting teaching strictly doesn'
t
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 work on non-persistent students.
Therefore
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should guide them to be better individuals so that teacher can complete their work.

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task achievement
Expand on the arguments presented, especially the discussion of the teacher's role in promoting discipline.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by making clearer transitions between ideas and sections of the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your points related to discipline and education.
content
The essay presents clear arguments for both parents and teachers regarding the teaching of discipline.
content
The introduction sets a good foundation for the essay by outlining the topic effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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