IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing taffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree. What measure do you think might be effective.

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It is believed that increasing the price of fossil fuels is the most effective way to deal with huge traffic and pollution problems in the country. I firmly disagree with
this
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 notion as
this
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 trend not only would lead to overpriced products but
also
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 may cause some significant problems
such
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 as civil wars. First of all, if the government of a certain nation actually illustrated
this
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 reform, it would lead to unstoppable economic issues
such
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 as expensive goods and items.
This
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 is mostly because , with the increased cost of petrol, all logistic actions would be
cost-inefficient
Correct your spelling
cost-efficient
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 which,
therefore
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, cause overpriced products. To illustrate, in the 21st century, Sudan has experienced the regulation of increased prices of fossil fuel which
subsequently
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, almost doubled the cost of all goods and services in the country.
Moreover
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,
according to
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 a recent study, Sudan still
not
Add a missing verb
has not
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 fully regenerated their
economics
Replace the word
economy
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after
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this
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 regulation.
Additionally
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, there is a high chance of the appearance of many serious problems like civil war and decreased living levels since citizens would not basically accept the change.
Conversely
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, they tend to fight for their rights which obviously would not end positively. To illustrate, in 2023 Kazakhstan citizens were affected by the doubled price of gas,
consequently
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, the government was forced to deal with the civil war using weapons and killing their own people.
To conclude
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,
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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expenses
Fix the agreement mistake
expense
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 of petrol is one of the worst methods to deal with any issue
due to
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 ineffective yields and angry public.
Moreover
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,
this
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 may cause even more dangerous situations in the future
such
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 as civil wars and
subsequent
Correct article usage
the subsequent
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 negative impact of fighting with own citizens.

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task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your position and briefly outline the main reasons for your disagreement. This will help set a clear roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are supported with strong reasoning and also relate them back to the topic of traffic and pollution, to maintain focus on the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transitional phrases between your ideas to enhance the flow of your essay and make connections clearer.
task achievement
Consider providing a counterargument to strengthen your position and demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
supporting evidence
Your use of specific examples, such as Sudan and Kazakhstan, adds strength to your arguments and demonstrates an understanding of real-world implications.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which provides closure to the essay.
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