IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts show the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The bar charts show the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
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The given chart illustrates the ratio of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 who take 5 portions of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008. The data is calibrated in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 form . I will elaborate on information with relevant comparisons. 
Overall
Linking Words
 it is evident that
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of women consumed
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables as compared to children and
men
Use synonyms
.
To Begin
Linking Words
 with, around 22.5
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of women eat
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
, and
these figure
Change the determiner
this figure
these figures
show examples
 kept on increasing till 2006 and became 35%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of ladies eating
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables. Started decreasing and declined to 25% in 2008.  In comparison,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and kids who ate 85% of food was 12.5% and 2.5% in 2001
respectivel
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 figures remained constant till 2003. probing
further
Linking Words
, from 2003 to 2004 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
groups
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 to 17.5%( for kids) and 20%( for
men
Use synonyms
).
furthermore
Linking Words
,from 2004 The ratio of both the
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 started upsurging till 2007. When
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of Junior and
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 males became almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 (26%).probing ahead, the rain 2008 around 25% of kids and
men
Use synonyms
 ate 5
portion
Change to a plural noun
portions
show examples
 of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words fruits, percentage, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "comparisons" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Portions
  • Consumption
  • Demographic breakdown
  • Public health
  • Trend
  • Bar chart
  • Notable peaks and falls
  • Implications
  • Public awareness
  • Health outcomes
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