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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries.the participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. summarise the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features.

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries.the participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. summarise the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features.
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The diagram displays information from surveys that were held by 1,000 teenagers in five
countries
Use synonyms
 about how old people must be given responsibility in marriage, voting and criminal cases.
Overall
Linking Words
, Japan had a late limit age to be given rights in all sectors
whereas
Linking Words
 other
countries
Use synonyms
 had fluctuated in order minimum age to obey the rules.
First,
Linking Words
Japan had a tolerance higher than other
countries
Use synonyms
 with the outlaw at 19 years old, voting at 20 and marriage at 22. Afterwards, it is followed by the USA and UK in committing to having partners at 18.
In particular
Linking Words
, Americans share the same age standard too with ballot activities. But,
in contrast
Linking Words
, they become the lowest of all
countries
Use synonyms
 in offending the law at 12.
Although
Linking Words
 Mexico has average standards, they share the same position with the UK by participating in elections and becoming the youngest participants.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Egypt had a range of around 14 to 18 years, with violating becoming the lower second position from other
countries
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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