IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, the development of
technology
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been improving the
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
show examples
 of
human's
Change noun form
human
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 life in many
stage
Change to a plural noun
stages
show examples
. It helps
people
Use synonyms
 to be able to do almost everything right on their phones. Shopping online is
also
Linking Words
 a common activity that
people
Use synonyms
 usually do with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
. Some
pepple
Correct your spelling
people
 say that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has made shopping today easier and I know it's an
understanding
Replace the word
understandable
show examples
 opinion. With the phones in their hands, they can just stay at home and buy
things
Use synonyms
 they want.
Moreover
Linking Words
, shopping online
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 customers to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a variety of
things
Use synonyms
 in
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 easiest way. Consumers can surf the web to find their wanted
things
Use synonyms
 without going out and spending hours going to lots of shops to
find
Correct pronoun usage
find them
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, shopping online usually has more vouchers than offline and many
people
Use synonyms
 really like that because they can save a little money on shopping.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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,
somes
Correct your spelling
some
 disagree. They may think that shopping online is useless and time-consuming. They don't know much about modern
technology
Use synonyms
 and don't know how to buy
things
Use synonyms
 online.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, when you
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, you might get
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
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 size or the
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 you want,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 meet some bad sellers.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 said that they have to pay more for the
deliver
Replace the word
delivery
show examples
. Personally, I think I prefer shopping online. Since the day there is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
, I don't have to spend much time going out and that's really suitable for a lazy and shy person like me. I just need to stay at home, get my phone ready, shop and
then
Linking Words
 the orders will be delivered quickly to me.

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Grammar
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy, for instance, use 'have' instead of 'has' when talking about development in technology. Also, check for typos like 'pepple' and 'somes'.
Style
Ensure to use varied sentence structures to enhance fluency in your writing. For example, mixing simple and complex sentences can create a better flow.
Content
Provide specific examples or statistics relating to online shopping benefits or drawbacks to strengthen your arguments.
Content
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for structure and reader understanding.
Task Response
Your argument about the convenience of online shopping is well articulated and relevant to the ongoing discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
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