IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, advanced science and technology have made great changes to people’s lives, but artists are still highly valued such as musicians, painters and writers. What can the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

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In
this
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 day and age, the development of
science
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 and
technology
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 overcame the imagination of
human
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humans
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 in the past. It is readily apparent that
science
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 and
technology
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improves
Verb problem
apply
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positively the
life
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lives
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 of
people
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,
Linking Words
however
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however,
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 the value of art always
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 an important role in society. It can be said that the motivation of
science
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 and
technology
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 is the
arts
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 in entertainment fields. Musicians, painters and writers created impressive works, which touch the emotion of audiences. Nowadays, more and more
people
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 can access those products
by
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through
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 media
platform
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platforms
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 that
made
Add a missing verb
are made
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 with
science
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 and
technology
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. That means technologies can not replace
arts
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 that they
brings
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bring
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arts
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into
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to
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 more
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past,
viewer
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viewers
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 enjoyed
music
Correct article usage
a music
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show
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, they
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 to buy tickets and go to that concert. Meanwhile, in recent
day
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days
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, audiences can watch any music
show
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 on media platforms at any time. It is undeniable that
science
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 and
technology
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 help the life of
human
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humans
show examples
 more
convenience
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convenient
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 and easier.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, only
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 can bring special emotions to
people
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. These days,
articial
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artificial
inteligence
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intelligence
 marks a historic milestone in the development of
human
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humans
show examples
. It can
writes
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write
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 a thesis,
paints
Correct subject-verb agreement
paint
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 a picture and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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even
passes
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pass
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 international exams.
However
Linking Words
, it
still
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is still
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 just a machine and presents content in a dry manner. In fact,
although
Linking Words
 audiences can enjoy music
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show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 or
gallery
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galleries
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 through media
platform
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platforms
show examples
, they are willing
pay
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to pay
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 lots of money to enjoy
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show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 directly. In conclusion,
science
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 and
technology
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 can not replace the role of
arts
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 artists know how to use
technology
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 that will help their products to lots of
people
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborate on the relationship between science, technology, and the arts. You can indicate specific examples where technology enhances the arts, leading to a deeper understanding and appreciation of life.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clearer flow and connection between ideas, for instance, linking musicians and how they used technology to reach audiences more effectively.
task achievement
The essay makes clear points about the importance of arts in conveying emotions and the unique experiences they provide.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion of the relationship between science, technology, and the arts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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