IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentages of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011

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A glance at the table provided reveals the proportion of people who ride
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 in different
age
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 groups
in
Linking Words
particular
Add an article
a particular
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 town in 2011. The initial impression from the table is that women tend to ride more
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 than men
overall
Linking Words
. The
age
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group
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 that rode the most
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bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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is
Wrong verb form
was
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 0-9 in the period. One particularly interesting fact highlighted by the table is that the younger they were the frequency of riding
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 was higher. The highest percentage of female
cyclists
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 was in the 0-9
age
Use synonyms
group
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 at 51.4%,
while
Linking Words
 male
cyclists
Use synonyms
 at 50.3 in the same
age
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group
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.
However
Linking Words
, in the
age
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group
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 10-17, the percentage of female
cyclists
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 dropped to 42.2%,
whereas
Linking Words
 male
cyclists
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 decreased considerably to 24.6%.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that cycling activity for women was almost twice as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 as the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. When it comes to
18
Correct article usage
the 18
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-39
age
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group
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, the proportion of female
cyclists
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 was 17.1% compared to 9.7%
males
Change preposition
of males
show examples
, showing
a
Remove the article
apply
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continued domination of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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. In the older
age
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 groups, cycling rates declined
further
Linking Words
. Among those aged 40-59, 12.3% of females and 8.0%
for
Change preposition
of
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 males rode
bycicles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
. It is interesting to note that, the 60%
age
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group
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 saw a slight increase in cycling activity, with 18.5% for females and 13.2% for males.
This
Linking Words
 trend could be considered as a purpose of health.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bicycle, age, group, cyclists with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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