IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try cooporate more rather that competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Competition
Use synonyms
 and cooperation are two different techniques used at work,
schools
Change preposition
in schools
show examples
 and in life in general.
While
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 there are some who feel
competition
Use synonyms
 is a better method to be used, there are opponents who think people are meant to cooperate with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
instead
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate more on both schools of thought and why I align with the opponents. Encouraging
competition
Use synonyms
 has two main benefits. The most essential one is that it can help increase
result
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results
show examples
.
This
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 is because
every one
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everyone
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 will want to come up at the top;
hence
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, workers will put out their best, allowing their company to yield significant profits.
For example
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, many logistic companies, provide extra pay to dispatchers who are able to secure the highest number of load deliveries.
This
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 extra cash has served as a tool to
incenticize
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incentivize
hardwork
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hard work
 which will bring more money to the company.
In addition
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, it can motivate individuals to be more
deligent
Correct your spelling
diligent
 in their field. Healthy
competition
Use synonyms
 can allow students to study more;
therefore
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, securing themselves a great future.
Nevertheless
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, opponents prefer cooperation for two primary points. First of all, teamwork can create a good atmosphere that would reduce stress.
This
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 will allow people to have a well-balanced
worklife
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work life
work-life
.
Furthermore
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, It allows bright minds
collaborate
Fix the infinitive
to collaborate
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 together to solve difficult global issues.
For instance
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, many medical
breakthrough
Change to a plural noun
breakthroughs
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gotten
Verb problem
apply
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over the years were done by different researchers from various medical fields. By
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cooperating with each other they were able to generate solutions that
has
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have
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 helped decrease
Correct article usage
the motality
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motality
Correct your spelling
mortality
motility
 rate. In conclusion, both sides of the argument have their merits. On
the
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apply
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balance, I think teamwork is better has I feel the benefit of good working environments and solving global problems outweigh
potential
Add an article
the potential
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 benefit of more
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 or being more
deligent
Correct your spelling
diligent
.
Fot
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For
 these reasons, I recommend that companies should encourage teamwork.

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grammar
In your introduction, consider refining the phrasing for clarity. For example, replace 'schols' with 'schools' and 'eachother' with 'each other.' Also, ensure you state your opinion clearly at the outset.
coherence
Your essay would benefit from more transitions and linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas. For instance, use phrases like 'On one hand,' 'Conversely,' or 'In addition' to smoothly guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on your points with additional examples or explanations, particularly when discussing the benefits of cooperation. More specific examples will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
structure
Your essay presents a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, arguments for competition, arguments for cooperation, and conclusion.
content
You effectively identified and articulated the main points for both competition and cooperation, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
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