IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that advertising influences our buying decisions. Others argue that it has little or no real effect on what we buy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Opinions remain divided on whether advertisements have an impact on our purchasing decisions or whether it does not affect consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Personally, I find it more reasonable to suggest that advertising always influences our choices,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 influence is not always noticeable.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to
condsider
Correct your spelling
consider
 the opposing view and arguments. One common point that
people
Use synonyms
 present to prove that
commrecials
Correct your spelling
commercials
commercial
 have a significant impact is the fact of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
. Indeed, if advertisements did not have a noticeable effect on our
prefrences
Correct your spelling
preferences
 and desires, companies would not invest for
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 millions of dollars. The ad market is fastly increasing. It is doubtful to suppose that a plethora of
top-managers
Correct your spelling
top managers
show examples
 and marketing agencies spend money on instruments that do not work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is understandable why
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 do not affect them. Proving their point of view, these
people
Use synonyms
 rely on their own experience.
For instance
Linking Words
, they often tell about how they do not chase for brands or popular products despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
active marketing campaigns persuading them to make a purchase.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach does not take
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 account that advertisement is not always aimed at direct sales. Sometimes, companies need only a frequent repeating of their item on TV and social media. Eventually, it will lead to more positive opinions about a brand and will make
people
Use synonyms
 prefer its products. In conclusion, taking everything into account, it is reasonable to claim that the first point of view has the stronger evidence, as effective
top-managers
Correct your spelling
top managers
show examples
 allocate money for commercials throughout the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 and,
moreover
Linking Words
, advertisers do not always want to
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 to you directly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Spelling
There are some small grammar and spelling errors such as 'condsider,' 'commrecials,' and 'prefrences' that distract from your message. Be sure to proofread your work to catch these mistakes before submission.
Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between your ideas. For instance, consider adding transition phrases between paragraphs to create a smoother connection of thoughts.
Task Achievement
While your examples do support your points, incorporating more specific examples could strengthen your argument. For instance, referencing a specific ad campaign might make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, which is a key requirement for a discussion essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which helps to anchor your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: