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Writing Samples
Band 7

Bar Graph The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Bar Graph The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart provides information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of school children learning to play four distinct musical instruments in 2005, 2010,
2015
Correct word choice
and 2015
show examples
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of young piano, guitar and violin learners was on
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 upward trend, with different growth rates.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the figure for drums learners saw a slight decrease in its rate in the given period
Firstly
Linking Words
, the year 2005 showed the highest amateur pianist rates of 11%, increasing to 20% in 2010 with its highest ranking
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
. The year 2015 witnessed a
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 rise in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
pianists learner
Fix the agreement mistake
pianist learners
show examples
 by 38%.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 change couldn't help the former to remain
its
Change preposition
in its
show examples
 highest position. Meanwhile, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of children who learned guitar followed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar upward trend, albeit to a lesser extent. In the period between 2005 and 2010,
this
Linking Words
 figure grew from 10% to 19%. It reached a peak of 40% in 2015, taking turns in leading the trend. The other instrument learners consisted of violinists and drummers made up 9% and 5% in 2005 respectively,
while
Linking Words
 the dilettantish drummers remained its rate until 2010 before progressing to 9% in 2015, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of children who learned drums dropped slightly from 9% to 5% in the period between 2005 and 2015

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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