IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Public health is becoming an urgent issue now a days. some argue that government should create nutrition ad food choice law to improve public health while others believe that it is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Modern society is
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 more concerned about
Add an article
the health
show examples
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
 system. Some residents demand that governing bodies shall bring nutrition
ad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 service
Use synonyms
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 for
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of social well-being but others
claims
Change the verb form
claim
show examples
 that it should not imposed as it is related to individual freedom and duty.
As per
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion,
Instead
Linking Words
 of making a
law
Use synonyms
, we should educate the community about
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of eatables and
enforces
Correct subject-verb agreement
enforce
show examples
 strict laws on industry.
However
Linking Words
, Let consumers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
choose based
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their understanding and interest.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Our immunity system is highly
depend
Replace the word
dependent
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 upon
type
Add an article
the type
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 of diet we
take
Verb problem
eat
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 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
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 basis. It is really important to eat those items which are high in nutrients to keep
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
 healthy. No one wants to eat unhealthy but lack of knowledge and availability of good products.
Education
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The education
show examples
 system should include
this
Linking Words
 in
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
show examples
 and start
compains
Correct your spelling
companies
 to create awareness among the people.
For example
Linking Words
, We were taught in schools about eating eggs on
daily
Add an article
a daily
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 basis for fitness.
Moreover
Linking Words
,The regulatory bodies shall
reviews
Change the verb form
review
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 current laws and make
ammendments
Correct your spelling
amendments
 if necessary
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
production
Correct article usage
the production
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 of
food
Use synonyms
 at every stage from a farm or barn to
retail
Correct article usage
a retail
show examples
 store through processing units. Information is a key part so the packaging shall be properly labelled and indicate about
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
indigrident
Correct your spelling
ingredient
 of
product
Add an article
the product
a product
show examples
 including
expiry
Correct article usage
the expiry
show examples
 date and precautions if any.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Meals are
also
Linking Words
 part of our enjoyment in our routine life. We used to visit various
restaurents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and pubs on weekends to spend our quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
. Putting a
law
Use synonyms
 on these things will act as a barrier and will hamper
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
everyone. Sometimes we eat junk
food
Use synonyms
 which might not be healthy but can be necessary for a change of taste and entertainment.
However
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can increase audits at hotels to
make sure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
 optimum hygiene and safety. In order
to conclude
Linking Words
 my views, I am not in favour of nutrition
ad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 choice
law
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, make changes to current by-laws and aware
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
by
Correct word choice
aware by
show examples
 providing
necessary
Add an article
the necessary
show examples
 coaching and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them capable of choosing
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 items.

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language
Your introduction presents the topic well, but it can be clearer by reformulating the sentences for better flow. Try to avoid phrases like 'now a days' as it should be 'nowadays'.
structure
Ensure that paragraphs follow a clearer structure. Each paragraph should have a strong topic sentence that clearly relates to the main argument.
content
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will deepen your analysis and enhance your points.
content
You demonstrate an understanding of the debate surrounding public health, showing awareness of both perspectives.
content
Your suggestions – such as educating the community and enforcing stricter regulations – are thoughtful and relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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