IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
From
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2020
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood obesity has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest problem.
there
Capitalize word
There
show examples
 are many factors that getting children more weight than their age requires.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look disadvantages by applying
this
Linking Words
 problem with drawbacks. Now we are living in a modern century and we have lots of choices and comforts that
gives
Wrong verb form
are given
show examples
us
Change preposition
to us
show examples
 by exploiting
technologies
Use synonyms
.It is the
obesiti's
Correct your spelling
obesity's
 main reason.because many years ago there
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 no cars ,no foods that
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
Add an article
a hight
the hight
show examples
hight
Correct your spelling
high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of calories and no smartphones that
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
disturbed them from movement.If we
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the statistics it shows that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illnesses
appeares
Correct your spelling
appear
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 immovable.Nowadays every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their own
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
 or
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 and we can not imagine our life without
Use synonyms
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 when we
woke
Correct your spelling
wake
show examples
 up or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 something we use it after dinner we
are getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
relax by exploiting it but in that time our body
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffers
show examples
 because of the difficulty of digestion.Before the revolution of
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
show examples
 there
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 no children or
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 suffered by overweight.Because they were always active
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they ate food with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of calories but they were in the movement after it.
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 our children must
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
live with
ettemp
Correct your spelling
attempt
and
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 by eating fresh foods
this
Linking Words
maje
Correct your spelling
make
 their life healthier and
enthusiastic
Correct quantifier usage
more enthusiastic
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
The introduction could be clearer by stating the two main causes of childhood obesity and the measures that will be discussed.
language
Ensure to use proper grammar and spelling to enhance the readability of the essay. For example, 'obesity' is the correct spelling.
examples
Support points with specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments, such as referencing specific technologies leading to obesity.
conclusion
Expand on the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed and providing a clear final thought on the importance of addressing childhood obesity.
content
The essay presents a relevant topic and addresses the issue of childhood obesity, which is highly significant today.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • childhood obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • processed foods
  • nutritional value
  • physical education
  • healthy eating habits
  • screen time
  • advertising influence
  • socioeconomic status
  • dietary choices
  • healthy lifestyle
  • early intervention
  • community programs
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: