IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both veiws and give your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A large group of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 spend their entire life
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
a same
show examples
 organization to earn their livelihood
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
perception
Change the wording
perceptions
show examples
 think it is better to
work
Use synonyms
 in multiple companies . Shall I , elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 aspects beforehand
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 any conclusion
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Foremost , by engaging in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 place ,
people
Use synonyms
 get more stability and job security
.employees
Correct your spelling
Employees
 often have more access to better benefits like retirement plans , health care and other
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by doing that ,
people
Use synonyms
 get more steady growth
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their careers and
trust based
Add a hyphen
trust-based
show examples
 promotions due
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 knowledge and loyalty towards the company .
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
staying
Change preposition
by staying
show examples
 in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 organization,
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to gain more experience and
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 experts in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their specific
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 and
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
For
for example
Linking Words
 ,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 and doctors
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lead their
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 foe whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and become experts
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that and gain fame and name in their specific criteria . On the opposite
site
Correct your spelling
side
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
changing
work
Use synonyms
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 gives them flexibility and networking . They can build their own communication relations , which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
proves beneficial for their future aspects.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 , employees who
work
Use synonyms
 in different organizations are more reliable
to adapt
Verb problem
in
show examples
 changes and resilience. If
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have more experience and knowledge about different kinds of
work
Use synonyms
 , they can
work
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any place , any country which is mostly required in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world .
At the
Change preposition
The
show examples
last
Linking Words
 but not least , working in the same place
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
peoples
Change the noun form
people
show examples
 opportunities to grow more and
also
Linking Words
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 them peace of security but
also
Linking Words
 ,by exploring different
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 may
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to gain more techniques, ideas and knowledge.
It's depends
Change the verb form
It depends
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
what people
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
 and
dislike
Correct subject-verb agreement
dislikes
show examples
,
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
 they wanna choose for their future .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Try to rephrase for better clarity and make a stronger thesis statement to outline your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use more varied linking words or phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will improve cohesion in your essay.
task achievement
Consider giving more detailed examples or elaborations on your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your ideas more convincing.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on working for the same organization versus multiple organizations, which is commendable.
task achievement
The use of examples, like scientists and doctors, helps to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • job security
  • benefits
  • retirement plans
  • career growth
  • promotions
  • loyalty
  • inner workings
  • specialization
  • variety of experiences
  • skills
  • working environments
  • networking opportunities
  • professional network
  • career prospects
  • flexibility
  • adaptability
  • resilient
  • systems
  • processes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: