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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to the gym every month in one country from 1990 to 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to the gym every month in one country from 1990 to 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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A glance at the line graph given the gym visitors' monthly percentage in a particular country between 1990 and 2003. The visitors contained
in
Change preposition
apply
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four groups,
such
Linking Words
 as young
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 (18-25
years
Use synonyms
 old),
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 ((26-45
years
Use synonyms
 old), middle-aged (46-65
years
Use synonyms
 old), and old generation (more than 65
years
Use synonyms
 old) Based on an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen that
,
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 in 1984 gym members from
adult
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 achieved the highest percentage compared to other age groups.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2003,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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adult
Use synonyms
gang
Fix the agreement mistake
gangs
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 attained
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first place. From an initial figure, in the beginning, people from
Use synonyms
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
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group
Use synonyms
 obtained the first spots by 30%.
Then
Linking Words
, it increased to 40% in 1989.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 1994, individuals from
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 reached its bottom by approximately 29%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it grew significantly in 2003 by around 50% and took the second place. In 1984,
young
Add an article
the young
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adult
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 took
the
Correct article usage
apply
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third place by 10%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 elevated in every
Use synonyms
years
Change to a singular noun
year
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, which were 20% in 1989, 30% in 1994, 60% in 1995, and 65% in 2003, respectively. In 2003,
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 reached the first position. It is interesting to see that in 1994,
Use synonyms
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
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group
Use synonyms
 and young
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 had the same percentage
by
Change preposition
of
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 30%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words adult, years, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gym attendance
  • health consciousness
  • surge
  • peak
  • decline
  • saturation point
  • fitness activities
  • trend
  • significant increase
  • gradual increase
  • marked surge
  • sharp rise
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