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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comprisions where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comprisions where relevant.
The
table
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 provides three data categories (data opened, kilometres of the route and
passengers
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 per
year
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) for the
subway
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 systems in 6 cities including London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles.
Overall
Linking Words
, London has the longest and oldest underground
railway
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 among
6
Correct article usage
the 6
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mentioned cities in the
table
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 Kyoto has the shortest and Los Angeles has the newest
subway
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system
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, Tokyo’s
subway
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 is the most populated underground
railway
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,
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to Kyoto which has fewer
passengers
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 per
year
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. London’s underground
railway
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system
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 which started work in 1834 is the oldest
subway
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system
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 among the mentioned cities in the
table
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while
Linking Words
 the sconed old
subway
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system
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 was established approximately 40 years later in Paris.
As well as
Linking Words
 Londen’s underground
railway
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with
Change preposition
apply
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around 400 kilometres
length
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in length
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, is the longest
subway
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 in the
table
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 which is double the next longest
subway
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 with about 200 kilometres and 40 times longer than Kyoto’s
subway
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 as the shortest
subway
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 in the
table
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, Tokyo with around 2 billion
passengers
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 per
year
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, is the most crowded, and it is approximately 40 times more crowded than Kyoto’s
subway
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 which has only 45 million
passengers
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 per
year
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 and is around double the next most crowded
subway
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 which is Paris’s
subway
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 with around 1200 million
passengers
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 per
year
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words table, passengers, year, subway, railway, system with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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