The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages?

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In the past, every piece of information was hidden in the boldest folders. Sometimes, finding specific information can be very hard and takes too much time. In today’s World, to solve

this

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issue, most governments and companies decide to collect the personal data of many people on the Internet.

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essay will discuss underlying reasons and elaborate on why these data should be held on online platforms. First and foremost, in some situations, paperwork may be boring and time-consuming.

Moreover

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, some websites hide confidential things

such

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as credit card numbers, ID and location in their constitutions.

In addition

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, some corporations argue that their intentions are primarily to provide better services.

On the other hand

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, hackers try to acquire these inputs most of the time. To prevent

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problem, companies should be more careful and check their applications regularly with experts.

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, governments should help with the safe use of online tools. No doubt, the computer-based hiding methods are very user-friendly systems. Thanks to modern instruments, people can solve any problem related to paper-based work in a matter of seconds.

For instance

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, Google Maps is a good example of an entirely free platform used by millions

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

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follow individuals.

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application provides forming the shortest routes and finding suitable place recommendations for users. On the whole, as technology improves in modern days, humanity tries to find easy ways of collecting all material because of their given advantages. In fact, with the collaboration of the presidents of countries, individuals can solve any issue in seconds, and they don’t feel anxious about their safety. The writer of

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essay does think that the advantages of gathering personal knowledge through online systems outweigh the disadvantages.

yusufpacaci1863Mon Feb 10 2025

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task achievement

The introduction presents the topic but could provide a clearer thesis statement that directly answers the question about advantages versus disadvantages.

task achievement

Ensure that each main point is clearly supported with relevant examples to strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Working on paragraphing is essential. Each paragraph should ideally contain one main idea clearly developed, which would enhance your logical structure.

coherence and cohesion

The transition between ideas can be smoother. Using linking words (e.g., however, furthermore, in addition) more frequently can help guide the reader through your arguments.

task achievement

The essay addresses the topic and presents a viewpoint regarding the advantages of data collection.

task achievement

There are relevant examples, like Google Maps, which illustrate your point about the benefits of personal data collection.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

281 words

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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them?

advanteges and disadvantages of playing video games for children

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of IT outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that competitive sports such as soccer can help to reach cultural interaction among people of different age groups and nationalities, but others think that it would cause problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.