IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reason for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In recent times, extensive use of Mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 during leisure time has become ubiquitous.
However
Linking Words
, it is difficult to consciously reduce the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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digital gadgets. I think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 there are various causes related to
this
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 and
such
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 kind of harmful societal tendency is significantly a disadvantageous development. The primary reason is the addictive nature of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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digital devices and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 capability
of stealing
Change preposition
to steal
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our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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valuable time.
Due to
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 the appealing software applications, attractive games and other necessary features, every age group people are thinking that it is essential to complete the day
today
Correct your spelling
to day
show examples
 activities in
effective
Change the article
an effective
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 manner.
Moreover
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, young students are encouraged to use smartphones for their academic purposes,
thus
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 enabling them to surf through the unnecessary content which are available on the websites.
For example
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, to handle household expenditures
such
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 as bill payments, booking,
paying
Correct word choice
and paying
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 EMI's and taxes, digital devices are predominantly used. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 there is an unavoidable need for the technology, a major concern associated with
this
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 is sacrificing our
health
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, many young children are suffering from vision problems and glasses are being worn by
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of them. Young professional's
health
Use synonyms
 is still worsening gradually
due to
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 the lack of physical activity and concentrating more on unwanted
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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 which leads to more stressful situations. To illustrate
this
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, many Corporate
firm
Change to a plural noun
firms
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 implemented
gadget free
Add a hyphen
gadget-free
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environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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 to assist
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employees with chronic mobile addiction and to increase
overall
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 productivity. In conclusion, not only the mobile usage
deteriorates
Correct subject-verb agreement
deteriorate
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 it severely affects the lifestyle of people. In terms of mental
health
Use synonyms
, it heavily impacts the family bonding and the relationships.
In
Correct word choice
Overall
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overall
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, technology must be wisely utilized in order to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive growth.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider restructuring your ideas to enhance clarity. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that directly connects to your thesis statement. Make sure every point clearly supports your argument.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more context and detail. This will help to clearly demonstrate your points and strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing. Minor inaccuracies can detract from your overall argument and flow.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear viewpoint on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a logical flow of ideas, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
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