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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the modern world, a fraction of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that if they want to get a job somewhere, they have to change their location and move abroad, leaving their friends and families behind. It is possible to find many opportunities outside one's native country. At the same time, moving away can be difficult for many reasons. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss the positives and negatives. On the one hand, finding a job has become harder than in the past
due to
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 several factors,
such
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 as the rise in population rates and the decrease in available job opportunities. Because of these factors, many unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to go abroad for their careers. Several countries that require experienced professionals for their projects offer high salaries to attract skilled employees.
Additionally
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, working abroad provides opportunities to choose from different regions with various climates.
Moreover
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, professionals have the flexibility to change their jobs or improve their qualifications by studying for a Master's degree, unlike in their native cities.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 believe that it is unsuitable to put themselves in danger by moving to a foreign country.
Furthermore
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, some individuals who have studied or worked in new places reported feeling bored and lonely without their parents and friends, which affected their focus.
For example
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, in 2005, approximately two million
people
Use synonyms
 returned to the U.S. after spending six months abroad.
As a result
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,
it is clear that
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this
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 experience is not suitable for everyone.
To sum up
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,
this
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 idea is common worldwide.
Therefore
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, we should be careful before making a decision.

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Task Achievement
While the essay presents both advantages and disadvantages, you should ensure that each point is well elaborated. Providing more specific examples can enhance your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more specific about the position taken. Including thesis statements can improve coherence in understanding your viewpoint right from the start.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to develop your ideas within paragraphs more thoroughly. Each paragraph should ideally start with a topic sentence to guide the reader and maintain focus on the point being discussed.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
A good overall structure is present, with clear paragraphs separating the pros and cons of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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