IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in science research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that
information
Use synonyms
 sharing in various areas will benefit all the people in the
society
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that a
peiece
Correct your spelling
piece
 of
information
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 may be the result of years of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard work and struggles and it is not
fare
Correct your spelling
fair
show examples
 to expect to be released freely. I am convinced that some types of
information
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 can be considered as a person's and like
others
Add a comma
others,
show examples
 stuff should be valued.
Proponent
Fix the agreement mistake
Proponents
show examples
 of the idea of freely
publisizing
Correct your spelling
publicizing
publicising
publishing
 data
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 view that all
information
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 should be shared among people in order to add
up
Change preposition
to
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 Thepublic
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
. In their opinion,
this
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 can help to improve the life quality of various communities.
On the other hand
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, advocates of
this
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 belief claim that
generally
Add a comma
generally,
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 each
information
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 is the outcome of processing a large amount of data. The procedure of extraction of useful
information
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 from the data needs a high level of speciality and of course time. Speciality is not
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 that we can achieve
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 short term.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 it will be reached during years of education and endeavors. It is not fair to expect
this
Linking Words
group
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 of
society
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 to share their
invalubale
Correct your spelling
invaluable
 findings freely with the rest of
society
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 without any expense.
While
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 the first
group
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 have some reasonable arguments, the
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 of the second
group
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 are more acceptable to me. Since specialists like should have
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 right to decide about
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 spiritual assets exactly like other physical properties. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 Some people think that sharing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 can be suitable for all
society
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 and increase the level of public knowledge others feel it is against the
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 of the creatures of
those
Change the determiner
that information
show examples
information
Use synonyms
. I strongly support the view of the second
group
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea. This will help improve logical flow.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your claims, especially regarding the value of shared information. This will strengthen your arguments.
language
Check for typos and grammatical errors, as they can detract from the clarity of your writing. For example, 'a peiece' should be 'a piece' and 'invalubale' should be 'invaluable'.
task achievement
You present a balanced discussion by addressing both views in your essay, which is beneficial for task achievement.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, which helps in presenting a clear stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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