IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government should spend money on creating new public buildings such as museum, city halls, rather than renovating the existing ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In some countries, numerous historical and older
buildings
Use synonyms
 require restoration and revitalization.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that constructing new
buildings
Use synonyms
 is more important, I partly agree with renovating existing structures, as I believe
this
Linking Words
 offers a range of benefits, including the preservation of our architectural heritage.
However
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, the construction of new public complexes is
also
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 essential. It seems logical that governments allocate substantial financial resources to renovating older
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
such
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 as
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
,
theater
Fix the agreement mistake
theaters
show examples
, and public
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
. Some of these
buildings
Use synonyms
 are older, which can
alternative
Add a missing verb
be alternative
show examples
 with new ones. But some historical
structure
Fix the agreement mistake
structures
show examples
 cannot
replaceable
Add a missing verb
be replaceable
show examples
, as those
places
Use synonyms
 represent the history and culture of that country.
Moreover
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, those
buildings
Use synonyms
 are beneficial to society.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in 1999 in Scotland showed after
restructerd
Correct your spelling
restructured
restricted
 historical building
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in tourists
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 60%.
Furthermore
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, renovating older
structurs
Correct your spelling
structures
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 incredibly affordable
instead
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 of building new ones.
However
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,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
 public
buildings
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
cinem
Correct your spelling
cinema
cinemas
, city halls, and
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 have desirable influences on
socieities
Correct your spelling
societies
.
Firstly
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, population growth cause has increased demand for some public facilities. Old public
places
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as some shopping malls and cinemas, are not able to accommodate
this
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increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 population, so governments must build new
buildings
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, some older structures becoming outdated, which should
Add a missing verb
be demolishand
show examples
demolishand
Correct your spelling
demolish and
demolish
replace
Wrong verb form
replaced
show examples
 with new ones.
In Addition
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, developing recreational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and investing in infrastructure renovation can increase people's prosperity. In my opinion, governments
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 make a balance between building new
places
Use synonyms
 and renovating old
places
Use synonyms
. It can cause protection of historical
buildings
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 urban facilities. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that equal attention and effective investment to both creating new public
buildings
Use synonyms
 and renovating older structures can have positive impacts on
face
Correct article usage
the face
show examples
 of the cities.

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Task Achievement
The introduction clearly states your position, but developing a more explicit thesis statement could enhance clarity regarding the main points of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction and link them during the essay. Doing this will improve the overall flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay careful attention to grammatical structures and spelling; minor errors can distract from the content. For example, check words like 'structur' and 'cinem.'
Task Achievement
You presented a balanced view by acknowledging the importance of both renovating old buildings and constructing new ones, which enriches your argument.
Task Achievement
Examples, like the survey from Scotland, effectively illustrate your point regarding the benefits of renovating historical buildings, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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