IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

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Money
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 is important in many areas of life. Some
people
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 believe that the best thing about being rich is the ability to help
others
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,
while
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others
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 disagree. In my opinion, being rich does not necessarily mean helping
others
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 because kindness and culture are more important factors.
First,
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empathy is the key to helping
people
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, not
money
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. Many middle-class individuals support the poor, not because they are wealthy, but because they care.
Additionally
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, culture plays a big role in encouraging generosity.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia,
people
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 from all financial backgrounds help each other, both locally and internationally, because their culture values kindness.
This
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 shows that generosity depends on personal values, not wealth.
Second,
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some rich
people
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 are selfish and do not care about helping
others
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. Some may donate
money
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 only to improve their reputation or gain something in return.
For example
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, a BBC program showed cases where wealthy
people
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 gave financial help but later asked for
favors
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favours
show examples
.
Also
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, some rich
people
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 believe they are better than
others
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, which stops them from offering real support. In conclusion, being rich does not automatically make someone generous. Empathy and cultural values are what truly drive
people
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 to help
others
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.
While
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money
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 can provide opportunities to give, kindness is the real reason
people
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 choose to help

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by acknowledging the opposing viewpoint in more detail. This can strengthen your argument and show a greater understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main thesis with specific examples and insights; a bit more elaboration on your examples could enhance clarity and impact.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and supports it with reasonable arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
What to do next:
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