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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

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Parents
Use synonyms
 and the time they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 with their children are widely debated. Nowadays,
parents
Use synonyms
 are working a lot more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past and
this
Linking Words
 affects the parent-child relationship. There are several factors for
this
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 as the rise in
woman's
Correct your spelling
women's
show examples
 participation in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
. These factors can contribute to severe issues
such
Linking Words
 as attachment and depression for kids.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve deeper and present my perspective. In the modern era, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 are working hard in terms of offering their children a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 life.
Also
Linking Words
, current economic conditions are
also
Linking Words
 a factor affecting the occupations of the
parents
Use synonyms
. Economic imbalance, high taxes, fulling even basic needs may be some of the reasons why both
parents
Use synonyms
 are working.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the past years,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 participation in the workplace was significantly lower compared to now. Equality in workplaces fosters and encourages women to labour in a profession. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, not only
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mothers actively engage in jobs. There are
Correct article usage
a varity
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varity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of consequences a child may experience if both of their caregivers are constantly working. Childhood is the most crucial part of the lifetime and parental care is indispensable.
This
Linking Words
 can contribute to pressing issues
such
Linking Words
 as mental problems. Childhood is when most of our cognitive
compenticies
Correct your spelling
competencies
 and behaviours
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is when the attachment style of a person is determined. To elaborate, insecure or avoidant attachment styles can be given
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
. If a child's caregiver cannot bond with the child
securly
Correct your spelling
securely
, it may cause problems in
attachtment
Correct your spelling
attachment
 style.
Moreover
Linking Words
, less interaction with the
parents
Use synonyms
 can lead to depression for children. In conclusion, there are wide range of aspects why
parents
Use synonyms
 are involved in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 more. Expenses and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job opportunities are few often.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 involvement in the labour force may be beneficial for the family, it can have negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the kids namely developmental problems.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and follows the prompt well, addressing the reasons for both parents working and the consequences. However, to make your argument stronger, ensure that you clearly explain your ideas and provide specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on one main point. This will improve the overall structure and flow of your essay. You might also want to use linking words more consistently to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
grammar and language use
Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling errors. For instance, 'varity' should be 'variety,' and 'compenticies' should be 'competencies.' These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the topic and presents relevant points regarding the reasons for parents working and the potential problems for children, which is essential for task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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