IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The student who study from the school to university get benefit less and contribute less too, than those of student who go t o travel or job and get skills and experience before going high. Do you agree or disagee?

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Nowadays, in our competitive world, to succeed,
kno wledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
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 from
school
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 and
university
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 is not enough.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 who study from
t he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 to
university
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get
Verb problem
apply
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benefit
Use synonyms
 less and contribute less too, than those of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 who go to travel or
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 and get
experience
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 and
skills
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 before going high. There are two following reasons to prove
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion. I call the
group
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 of people who study from
school
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 to
university
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 is
group
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 A and the other
group
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 is
group
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B
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, at
school
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 and
university
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,
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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group
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 A gai n is almost
theory
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,
theory
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 and
theory
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. Of course,
theory
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 is very
neccessary
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necessary
,
however
Linking Words
, you
can ’t
Correct your spelling
can’t
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 do everything with
theory
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. You must have
praticeable
Correct your spelling
practical
experience
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.
This
Linking Words
 is what
grou p
Correct your spelling
group
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 A lack very much.
Although
Linking Words
 in the third of
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
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 year at
university
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,
group
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 A can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pprentices
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apprentices
 in some companies, to help them approach their future jobs, they aren’t
traine d
Correct your spelling
trained
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 well because of
short
Correct article usage
the short
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 time. And the real
job
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 is still very strange
with
Change preposition
to
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 them. After graduating, without
experience
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,
group
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 A can’t accomplish their work perfectly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 them time and money to keep up with other experienced ones and may be scorned.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
group
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 A can contribute less than
Use synonyms
group
Capitalize word
Group
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B
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 who have the most two important
t hings
Correct your spelling
things
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:
skills
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 and
experience
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.
Secondly
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, as
group
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 A
is contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 less, they
surel y
Correct your spelling
surely
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 get less
benefit
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many companies which employ people in
group
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 A have to
tr ain
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train
show examples
 them from the
back-ground
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background
show examples
. These companies take
this
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 cost from
group
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 A’s
salar y
Correct your spelling
salary
show examples
 to get rid of the fact that their employees may leave after being trained
to
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by
show examples
 other
co mpanies
Correct your spelling
companies
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. So, less
benefit
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 is unavoidable and certain,
Whereas
Linking Words
group
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B
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 are more
l oyal
Correct your spelling
loyal
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 and effective workers. They
also
Linking Words
 have useful
experience
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 and
skills
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.
Besides
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,
th eir
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 education is the same as or even higher than
group
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 A. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result,
group
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B
Use synonyms
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 more
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benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 absolutely. In conclusion, I think
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should go to travel or
job
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 before going
high
Change preposition
to high
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can’t only have basic knowledge but
also
Linking Words
skills
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 and
experience
Use synonyms
 which are useful for them to get a good
job
Use synonyms
 and a brilliant future.

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task achievement
Clarify the stance in the introduction: It’s good to state whether you agree or disagree with the statement more explicitly. Try to rephrase it in a clearer way.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in labeling your groups; you’ve used both 'group A' and 'group B'. This can confuse the reader. Consider clear transition words when referring to them.
task achievement
Add specific examples or data to support your arguments, especially in the second point regarding group B's loyalty and effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the overall flow by linking sentences and ideas more naturally, ensuring they connect logically.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument against the effectiveness of traditional education without practical experience.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of paragraphs is generally clear, focusing on distinct points related to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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