IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Minh

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In the contemporary era, decreasing prisoners in local communities is a heated topic. Some individuals believe that extending penal sentences is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to prevent crime.
In contrast
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, others think there are better alternative ways of reducing inmates and I am of the opinion that exiling them to remote areas or force
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 do social workers to punish the criminals.
Two
Correct article usage
The two
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 aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in the following graphs. On the one hand, there are some reasons why people believe that lengthening prison sentences is the best
way
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 to deter criminals.
Firstly
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,
this
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 is
due to
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 the argument that law offenders will be arrested in longer penal sentences because they will be separated from the community and can not commit a crime again and will be rehabilitated
then
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community
Add an article
the community
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 will improve and become better if
this
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 law is enforced.
Secondly
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, when the duration of
sentence
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the sentence
a sentence
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 is increased, it can be a role model for other criminals and the public so it can deter more inmates in the community.
On the other hand
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, I and others are of the opinion that the different and better
way
Use synonyms
 to prevent the increasing crime rate is exiling to faraway regions for forced labour.
To begin
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,
this
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 is because I think
this
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 solution will be effective since social duties are more useful for the public
instead
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 of sitting still behind bars.
In addition
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,
this
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 plan can help them as a
way
Use synonyms
 to reintegrate into society and rehabilitate them. In summary,
although
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 I concede that there is some merit in giving longer prison, I firmly believe that exiling law offenders to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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remote regions is beneficial.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing 'decreasing prisoners in local communities' to 'reducing crime rates in communities' for clarity.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to avoid confusion later on.
task achievement
Use more specific and concrete examples to strengthen your arguments, such as statistics or case studies.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, reiterating your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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