IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think traffic and housing problems in big cities can be solved by moving companies and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

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Introduction
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years,
traffic
Use synonyms
 and housing
problems
Use synonyms
brothering
Correct your spelling
bothering
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big cities, the rent of housing
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 high and always have
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peak hours, these issues may
efforting
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 the
citizens
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people would suggest that moving the
companies
Use synonyms
 and their employees to the
countryside
Use synonyms
 can solve the
problems
Use synonyms
. And I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view.
Body · 2
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
traffic
Use synonyms
 always
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 / the
price
Use synonyms
 of
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
show examples
 are setting high/ the public transport
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 too crowed and related
problems
Use synonyms
. When the
companies
Use synonyms
moved
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 away, the
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 in big
citizens
Use synonyms
 would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decrease,
So that
Correct word choice
so
show examples
, the
price
Use synonyms
 of the transportation fee may become
price
Use synonyms
 drop,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 living costs of big citizen
citizens
Use synonyms
 would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
getting
Verb problem
go
show examples
 down.
Body · 3
Still, about the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 are lacking and the
price
Use synonyms
 of houses
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 high mostly because of local
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. The trend of recent days is " If people want to seek for high salary, they have to work in big
citizens
Use synonyms
."
Body · 4
Japan
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, when students
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
 from university, they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
leave their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 and move to big cities to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. Meanwhile, if the
companies
Use synonyms
 moved to
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
, the employees
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 stay in their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 housing would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decrease in city centers, so the
price
Use synonyms
 of housing
wpuld
Correct your spelling
would
be getting
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 down.
Conclusion
Although
Linking Words
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of
adventage
Correct your spelling
advantages
advantage
 of moving
companies
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are still some
protential
Correct your spelling
potential
 issues. I hope that the
problems
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be solved after
dfferent
Correct your spelling
different
 policies.

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grammar
Make sure to check grammar and spelling, as there are several inaccuracies that impact clarity (e.g., "brothering" should be "bothering").
ideas
Try to expand your ideas with more details and examples to support your arguments. This can help in making your essay more compelling. For instance, provide specific examples of traffic issues or how moving companies might practically solve housing problems.
coherence
Work on the logical flow of your essay by improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Clear linking words can guide the reader.
argument
You have a clear stance on the issue and present your opinion that supports your argument effectively.
examples
You provide relevant examples, like Japan's case of students moving for jobs, which shows an understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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