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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates the proportion of women who participate in senior
management
Use synonyms
 in three various organizations namely, Elden
Ltd
Use synonyms
, Bamforth
Ltd
Use synonyms
 and Finsbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
 through
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
 from 1975 to 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 There
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
significant
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in the figures for all companies over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time. Elden
Ltd
Use synonyms
 was the lowest percentage in the
beginnings
Fix the agreement mistake
beginning
show examples
.
The
Correct your spelling
Then
show examples
 it reached a peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 year.
While
Linking Words
 Bamforth grew rapidly in the
last
Linking Words
 15 years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1975 and 1980 the number stood at 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of participation of women in senior
management
Use synonyms
. After that, the
propertion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 rose significantly to 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In 2000, the percentage of
femal
Correct your spelling
females
 climbed and hit the highest by approximately 64%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 , there was almost 9 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of girls who attend senior
management
Use synonyms
 in Bamforth
Ltd
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.
Then
Linking Words
 there was gradually increasing in proportion every 15
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 with 2%. In 2000, 46 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of boss women in the company,
On the other hand
Linking Words
, The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 female
management
Use synonyms
 in Finsbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
 company was 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
. After
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, the percentage fluctuated over the next period and reached
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest number
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
26% in 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words management, ltd, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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