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Writing Samples
Band 5

Average percentages of sodium saturated fats and added typical meals consumed in the USA

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The pie charts show the average percentage of the consumption of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and harmful additives like
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 fats and sugars in dishes during the whole day.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the charts that individuals tend to consume more
Sodium
Use synonyms
 and Saturated fat additives with their dinner
meals
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 .
However
Linking Words
, added sugar is more likely to be consumed in Snacks. During the dinner
meals
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, people prefer to drink beverages like soda(43%) and eat saturated fat in their dishes(37%). At lunch time citizens of the USA consume almost the same percentages of
Sodium
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(29%) and Saturated fats(26%).
However
Linking Words
, the lowest percentages of fats and
sodium
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 are in breakfast and snack
meals
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 at 14% and 14%, 16% and 21% percentages, respectively. People eat added sugars the most in snacks as it is 42%, unlike dinner which is approximately less than half of the amount in snacks (23%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of added sugars in lunch
meals
Use synonyms
 decreased to 19%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of consumption during breakfast stayed stable at 16%.

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task achievement
Consider providing a brief introduction to explain what the pie charts represent and emphasize the comparison between meals.
coherence and cohesion
To improve logical structure, you may want to group similar information more effectively, such as discussing all sodium data together and then all fats data together.
coherence and cohesion
Using clearer transitions between your points can improve the overall flow of your essay. Consider phrases like 'In addition' or 'Conversely' when moving between different food types or meals.
task achievement
You have included specific percentages gathered from the charts, which enriches your response and provides clarity to your comparisons.
task achievement
Your overall observation is clear and emphasizes the difference in consumption among meals, which shows good understanding of the data presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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