IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children think that team Sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Sports
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 and jobs are similar in many aspects,
such
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 as group harmony, deadlines, and competition. These are all common features. Youth are debating whether
team
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sports
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 or solo
sports
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 are better for future
job
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 preparation.
While
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 participating in individual
sports
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 requires some essential
skills
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, the
skills
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 gained from engaging in
team
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sports
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 definitely outweigh the benefits of individual
sports
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my opinion.
To begin
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 with, individual
sports
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 generally enhance a person's independence, since winning or losing depends entirely on the athlete.
For example
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, when a tennis player loses the cause is mostly their skill level,
while
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on the other hand
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, a poorly skilled football player, may still win
due to
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 their
team
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's performance.
Therefore
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, a successful athlete in solo
sports
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 is more likely to develop independence and confidence in their
job
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.
However
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,
communication
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 is the most in-demand market's skill, but it is less emphasized in individual
sports
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. Moving on,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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team
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sports
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 largely depend on group harmony,
communication
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 and management. All of these are
also
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 essential in the professional environment.
For instance
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, before a football match, a leader assigns each player a specific position, similar to how managers
assigns
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assign
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 tasks to their
employee
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employees
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.
Nevertheless
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, strong
communication
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skills
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 are crucial to achieving both correct task distribution and peer cooperation. The more imbalanced distribution and the poorer the
communication
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, the more
negatives
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negative
show examples
 the outcomes and the more disruption to the harmony.
Thus
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,
communication
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skills
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 are highly valued in the
job
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 market, and children can develop them unconsciously in
team
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sports
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. In conclusion,
while
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 individual
sports
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 help athletes develop independence and self-reliance,
team
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sports
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 provide essential
skills
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such
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 as
communication
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, collaboration, and leadership, which are highly valuable in the professional world. The ability to work effectively with others and distribute tasks efficiently is crucial in any
job
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 market.
Therefore
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, engaging in
team
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sports
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 serves as excellent preparation for future careers, equipping individuals with the social and managerial
skills
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 needed for workplace success.

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conclusion
Your introduction is clear and outlines the main points well, but adding a brief overview of both sides in the conclusion could enhance your argumentative clarity.
coherence
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to aid the flow between points and paragraphs, making connections more explicit.
task response
You provided a well-structured argument that clearly distinguishes between individual and team sports, supporting each with relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Teamwork: collaborating with others to achieve a common goal.
  • Communication skills: the ability to effectively exchange information and express ideas.
  • Leadership: the action of leading a group or organization.
  • Collaboration: working jointly with others, especially in an intellectual endeavor.
  • Independence: the state of being self-reliant.
  • Self-discipline: the ability to control one's feelings and overcome one's weaknesses.
  • Accountability: the fact or condition of being responsible, explaining one's actions.
  • Adaptability: the quality of being able to adjust to new conditions.
  • Initiative: the ability to assess and initiate things independently.
  • Critical thinking: the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment.
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