IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that schools should reward students with the best academic results, while others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that schools should reward those who get a good academic result,
while
Linking Words
 others assert that the most important thing to reward
students
Use synonyms
 is their improvements, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion . On one hand , rewarding
students
Use synonyms
 because of their performance in exams is essential for several reasons , first it not only will encourage them to continue to reach their goals but
also
Linking Words
, will help to inspire others to improve .
For instance
Linking Words
 , in my school in 2000 , teachers used to be announced in a fort of all the classes and sometimes all the
students
Use synonyms
 ,
as a result
Linking Words
 many
students
Use synonyms
 who had
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
lower scores on their exams , improved in order to be known for their Intelligence .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , it is crucial to focus on those who show some effort to change their performance to advance .
That is
Linking Words
 important because they try to improve so if the school appreciate only those who get excellent marks it would create a frustrating environment for them .
For example
Linking Words
 , if schools always
In addition
Linking Words
 to that it will be difficult to encourage them again because they feel left out , which leads to
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 among
students
Use synonyms
 and it might
reach
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative consequences like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
fighting and aggressive behaviour.
To sum up
Linking Words
 ,
while
Linking Words
 both sides have their views ,
however
Linking Words
, In my opinion , I strongly believe that rewarding
students
Use synonyms
 is important for certain situations like who got the best academic score , because it has many benefits for all
students
Use synonyms
 , whether good
students
Use synonyms
 or bad
students
Use synonyms
 .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to fully develop your main points to ensure clarity and coherence throughout your essay. For instance, in the second paragraph, you started to discuss about how non-recognition can lead to frustration, but the idea was cut short. Try to elaborate more on your examples.
Task Achievement
It's important to provide clear examples that directly support your arguments. Examples should be relevant and well explained to convey your ideas more effectively. In the first paragraph, the example given was not completely clear—expand on how the announcement system positively affected students' motivation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your central argument and summarizes the points you will discuss. This sets a guideline for the reader and provides a more structured approach to your essay.
Task Achievement
In your conclusion, try to restate your opinion in a more definitive way without using 'however' that makes the sentence feel conflicting. This adds strength to your final thoughts.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintained a good structure by introducing both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay. Your effort to discuss both views demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
Task Achievement
You presented some interesting points about the impact of rewarding students, showing an understanding of the implications that come with recognition versus improvement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: