IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some students prefer to take a gap year between highschool and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In current society, more and more contemporary
students
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 take a gap
year
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 before entering university. Whether taking the gap
year
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 to work or to travel is beneficial or not has sparked much debate. I will explore the multifaceted nature of
this
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 trend, emphasizing the belief that the
advantages
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
One
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 of the significant
advantages
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 of working
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 before being enrolled in
tertialy
Correct your spelling
tertiary
 education is that adolescents can broaden their viewpoints and become open-minded. Having a creative and innovative
minds
Correct the article-noun agreement
mind
show examples
 enhances the discussions and research studies once they are back in school.
For instance
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, the Ministry of Education in Japan published
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 report revealing that
students
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 with unique
experience
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experiences
show examples
 during the gap
year
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 perform better than those who proceeded straight from
highschool
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high school
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, working for
one
Use synonyms
year
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 significantly reduces the financial burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
students
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 or their parents. The money earned during the break can help the
students
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 avoid taking student loans.
For example
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,
one
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 Japanese article indicates that only just over 5% of
students
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 who worked for
one
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year
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 after graduating from
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 needed student loans for their campus life in 2020.
However
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, alongside these
advantages
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, taking a break from education has some downsides.
One
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 notable
disadvantages
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disadvantage
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 is the risk of losing motivation for academic study.
For example
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, some people
decides
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decide
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 to be employed or get married, and never go back to school.
Hence
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,
this
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cause
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causes
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 the loss of talented people.
To sum up
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, the
frexibility
Correct your spelling
flexibility
 in
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 brings both
advantages
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 and disadvantages. Despite the challenges of taking
one
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year
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 off, the
advantagies
Correct your spelling
advantages
advantage
 of gaining a broader view and reducing the financial burden of
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 are paramount. It is imperative to recognize that the benefits of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or working before
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university enrollment extend far beyond the drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the structure logically flows from one point to the next, as some transitions between ideas could be improved.
language accuracy
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical issues and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'frexibility' should be 'flexibility').
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas, particularly on how additional experiences concretely affect students' performance or motivation.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and your opinion, which sets a good foundation for the essay.
task achievement
Good use of examples from Japan adds credibility to your points about the benefits of a gap year.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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