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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the production of olive oil. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The diagram below shows the production of olive oil. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
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The diagram depicts the step-by-step of how
olives
Use synonyms
 are transformed into olive
oil
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
 the process encompasses several stages and it
is consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of sequential 7 paths. It commences with the harvest process of the
olives
Use synonyms
 and concludes with the production of oils.
Initially
Linking Words
,
olives
Use synonyms
 are picked from the olive trees in the harvesting season. Once they are picked, they are rinsed with cold water to clean them from their dirt and debris.
Then
Linking Words
, they are
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
 to the smashing machine. In
this
Linking Words
 process, clean
olives
Use synonyms
 are smashed and olive paste is obtained since their stones are separated.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, they are put into bags with holes. The holes facilitate
with
Change preposition
apply
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the pressing phase. After they are pressed,
oil
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 is extracted from the olive paste and its water is separated to obtain a pure
oil
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 consistency.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
oil
Use synonyms
 is stored in bottles and they are ready to be sold and distributed.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words olives, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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