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Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of people who accessed news from 4 sources from 1995 and projection to 2025.

The chart shows the percentage of people who accessed news from 4 sources from 1995 and projection to 2025.
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of bodies who arrived at news from four different sources from 1995 and projection to 2025.
Overall
Linking Words
 , it can be seen that the trend for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 preferred TV newspaper, and radio sources to access the news in the past, but in
future
Add a comma
future,
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 they will choose the internet to know the world news. As the graph shows,the rate of
people
Use synonyms
 who used newspapers and radio was almost
at
Change preposition
apply
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the same during the period from 1995 to 2025. After that, there was a fall steadily between 1995 and 2010 in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 , which is the proportion has reached to just over 40 %.
Then
Linking Words
 , the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 witnessed a plummet to just below 30%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , from 1995 to 2000 there was a remain stable in the
number
Use synonyms
 of who used
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 to watch events were
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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 in the world . Meanwhile , the rate rocketed to just above 50% in the
last
Linking Words
 5 years . The
last
Linking Words
 Source is TV , which was in a state of fluctuation ,
moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in the first years who watched television was Just under 70 % ,
then
Linking Words
 it went down in the
last
Linking Words
 four years .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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