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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar charts show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts compare the proportion of students studying because of
two
Use synonyms
 main reasons and the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
employers
Change noun form
employers'
employer's
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 among 5 different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the younger students decided to study
due to
Linking Words
 the opportunities in
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 whilst those in the older
groups
Use synonyms
 chose to study for their interests. The big differences
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 main reasons in each
group
Use synonyms
 were observed in most of the given
age
Use synonyms
 ranges,
excepting
Wrong verb form
except
show examples
 the 40-49-year-olds
group
Use synonyms
. The
support
Use synonyms
 from employers was mostly given to the
two
Use synonyms
 younger
groups
Use synonyms
, followed by the older ones.
This
Linking Words
 made the middle
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 the lowest amount of receiving
support
Use synonyms
. There was a significant decline in the
number
Use synonyms
 of studying for
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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, starting at 80% of the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 and dropping to just under 20% of the oldest
group
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, people aged under 26 studying with their interests were only 10%, the figure rose sharply to nearly 40% for the 40-49-year-olds
group
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 and peaked at approximately 70% of people who were more than 49 years old. The 40-
49 years old
Correct your spelling
49-year-old
 learners had the same level of studying for both career and interest at around 40%. Employers tended to
support
Use synonyms
 the younger
group
Use synonyms
 more than the older ones.
While
Linking Words
 the
age
Use synonyms
 went up, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
support
Use synonyms
 dropped. It started at 65% of the youngest
group
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 fell to just over 30% of the people aged between 30 and 39 years old,
this
Linking Words
 made
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
support
Use synonyms
. The
number
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 returned again for the
two
Use synonyms
 oldest
Use synonyms
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 with just lower than 40% and around 45% for
40
Correct article usage
the 40
show examples
-49 and 49+
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 respectively.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words two, support, age, groups, group, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age group
  • primary reason
  • career development
  • personal interest
  • enjoyment
  • employer support
  • trends
  • patterns
  • motivation
  • lifelong learning
  • correlation
  • career goals
  • life circumstances
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