IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, there has been growing interest in relatiosnhip between eqaulity and personel achievements. Some people beileve that individuals can achieve more in egalatarian socties. Others believe that high level of personel achievements are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Over the
last
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 few years, there has been rising curiosity
in
Change preposition
about
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 the relationships between equality and personal accomplishments. No one can deny that some individuals think that the public can
get
Verb problem
achieve
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 more success in balanced communities,
while
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 others prefer to think that a high level of attainments is possible only when
community
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the community
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 are free to choose victory or downfall as per their benefits. It is important to admit that both views have their own pros. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that support each view, and what advantages they bring to society. On the one hand, the option to think that if humans are provided with equal opportunities, they are more likely to reach their full potential, there are
plethora
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a plethora
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 of convincing reasons for
this
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 trend. Most importantly,
if
Correct word choice
apply
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everyone has equal access to education, healthcare, employment and other important resources. In
such
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 a society citizens are encouraged to work collaboratively
and
Correct word choice
which
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 can boost the economy of the country. Finland's education system is the best example of
this
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, which provides equal education for each and every crowd. Another key reason
,
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is, folk
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folk
Correct determiner usage
that folk
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 can pursue their lives without risk and pursue their ambitions without the severe burden of loss.
Hence
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,
Inequitable
Change preposition
in Inequitable
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 communities, folks would be more successful without any fear of failure.
On the other hand
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, despite the above argument, others choose to believe that humans can be more successful in their lives if they are free to accept their failures and growth is
also
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 advantageous for obvious reasons.
Firstly
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, societies that prioritize individuals to catch their career options based on their skills and hard work with the understanding of failure, can be lead better in society.
For Example
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, The United States is the best example of a meritocratic nation, which allows its citizens to grow or fall
according to
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 their abilities and hard work.
However
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, when
public
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the public
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 rewarded for their own efforts and talents
then
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this
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 trend creates
engeratic
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an energetic
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 personality, which can be proven beneficial for any nation's growth. All in all,
while
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 In
Egalatrarian
Correct your spelling
Egalitarian
 communities nation can live their lives without any risk,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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this
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 trend can fix their growth with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fixed opportunities.
however
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, in meritocratic societies, individuals can grow more with the experience of downfalls. I believe that those societies can grow more when people are encouraged to choose failure and success based on their own abilities.

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Grammar and Spelling
Try to improve the grammatical accuracy and spelling of your essay. For example, "egalitarian societies" and "personal achievements" should be spelled correctly. This will greatly enhance clarity.
Coherence and Structure
Make sure to structure your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details. Try to ensure that each point clearly relates back to the thesis statement.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and explanations to support your points. While you do provide some examples, they could be elaborated further to create a stronger argument.
Content
The essay demonstrates a thoughtful engagement with the topic, discussing both sides of the argument.
Organization
The structure is quite logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • egalitarian
  • personal achievement
  • individual merits
  • opportunities
  • collaborative
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • social safety nets
  • healthcare
  • unemployment benefits
  • risk-taking
  • meritocracy
  • motivation
  • competition
  • potential
  • advancements
  • mixed systems
  • social support
What to do next:
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