IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays some consumers are less influenced by advertising than in the past. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In
this
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 day and age, digital platforms have fewer enthusiasts compared to before.
This
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 term is caused by many factors that
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
 in
,
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apply
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 and
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 effect to society.
To begin
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 with, decreasing the amount of publicity consumed in different years
Add a missing verb
is effected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 by several reasons.
First,
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technological sophistication offers
automatically
Replace the word
an automatic
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 block feature.
This
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 makes
people
Use synonyms
 more comfortable and secure because the ads that appear suddenly can disturb
activities
Correct article usage
the activities
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 of someone and
made
Wrong verb form
make
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low
Add an article
the low
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 mood.
For example
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, services of Spotify and
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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 premiums propose free
reclame
Correct your spelling
reclaim
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 they are hard to reach with advertising.
Second,
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Influencer
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Influencers
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 on social media
gives
Verb problem
have more
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 real impacts than traditional
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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. Currently,
people
Use synonyms
 especially teenagers prefer to get references
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some products
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 promote and apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
this
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 is because word of mouth
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 effective and accurate rather than traditional
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
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such
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 as
billboard
Fix the agreement mistake
billboards
show examples
.
Third,
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the rise of greenwashing and overclaiming trends
relieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
relieves
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 someone's belief. Selective in choosing
product
Add an article
a product
the product
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 is the best approach to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spared from public fraud,
this
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 should
be did
Change the verb form
be done
be doing
show examples
 because sellers frequently use manipulation
strategy
Fix the agreement mistake
strategies
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 to get more consumers,
such
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 as selling products with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
low quality and
exploit
Wrong verb form
exploiting
show examples
row
Correct your spelling
raw
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 materials which contaminate environments. To illustrate, in
Indonesia
Add a comma
Indonesia,
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 the strategy
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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used by cosmetic dealers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 marketing products that are not what they actually are.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
decides
Change the verb form
decide
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 to buy a product carefully and
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 a long time to think.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 brought positive changes for many
people
Use synonyms
 and
makes
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 more aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 what they consume. Improvements in
this
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 industry
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 their abilities to
selection
Replace the word
select
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 all of the items and
exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
 human senses to be more sensitive to something,
such
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 as taste buds for tasting food,
sense
Correct word choice
and sense
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 of sight for seeing
condition
Add an article
the condition
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 of a product.
Moreover
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, helping
offline
Add an article
the offline
show examples
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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 to
growing
Change the verb form
grow
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 their incomes and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
necessities
Correct article usage
the necessities
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 of life. To
sume
Correct your spelling
sum
 up, technology
shopistacated
Correct your spelling
shopping
, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
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 in social media,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 emergence of
a new trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
new trends
a new trend
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that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 consumed by many
people
Use synonyms
 are the main problems why are there
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 ads now
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
This
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possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 improvements
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
fresh
Correct article usage
a fresh
show examples
 breeze for certain
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
such
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 as UMKM.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. A stronger introduction sets a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to structure your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
When presenting examples, try to ensure that they directly support your claims. This will make your arguments more persuasive and relevant.
Task Achievement
You have identified several reasons why consumers are less influenced by advertising, showing engagement with the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a mix of ideas that highlight different factors affecting consumer behavior, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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