IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. Write a letter to the Registrar, about the service you received.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express the inconvenience accrued during the visit to your hospital.
Last
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 week my son had severe stomach pains he continued vomiting throughout the day. Plus, Blood was coming from his mouth and his eyes turned red
color
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 which I had never seen anywhere, I panicked and took him to the Victoria Hospital and entered the emergency section where the medical service would be quick.
However
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, I experienced it differently I was waiting for 4 hours in the ward and the doctor took him to the room during that period I was looking for a washroom and I asked a few staff to help me find but no one was showing the direction. Plus, I want to make a call to my husband to inform the incident. Unfortunately, I was ignored by everyone. I would appreciate that if you could improve the service of your hospital and hire some more nurses and receptionist to give better results Yours faithfully, Stany supported me all the staff was busy on their things.

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task achievement
Make sure to include a clear introduction that outlines the purpose of your letter. You can begin by stating the issue and giving a brief overview of your experience.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect of your experience to improve readability.
task achievement
Remember to use a more formal or polite tone throughout the letter. For example, instead of saying 'I experienced it differently,' you could say 'Unfortunately, my experience was not as expected.'
task achievement
You effectively conveyed strong emotions regarding your child's health and the urgency of your experience, which adds impact to your letter.
coherence and cohesion
The description of the incidents helped portray the scenario vividly, which allows the reader to understand your frustrations better.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emergency department
  • severe stomach pains
  • urgent medical attention
  • extensive waiting period
  • ignored by staff
  • delay in treatment
  • emotional distress
  • unsatisfactory service
  • immediate action
  • formal complaint
  • patient care
  • hospital protocol
  • adequate attention
  • prompt response
  • better service provision
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