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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of presssure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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These days, the young generation encounters significant
pressure
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,
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apply
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 and has limited
time
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 to relax. These issues result from multiple reasons,
such
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 as the study’s
pressure
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with
Change preposition
on
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 the part-
time
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 job and the competitiveness in the marketplace.
This
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 essay will discuss the drivers of these problems and propose some solutions.
To begin
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 with, the study requirements place
pressure
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 on
students
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, specifically university
students
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,
along with
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 working at a part-
time
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 job.
In other words
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, the fees of universities and living costs are relatively high, putting them in a situation where they have to work and study at the same
time
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.
This
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 can lead
students
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 to suffer from psychological issues,
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
Moreover
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, the marketplace in some countries has become competitive, which leads
students
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 to place significant efforts to meet the competitiveness.
For example
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, young individuals in China spend a lot of
time
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 studying in order to get a high score in university in order to meet the marketplace requirements.
However
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, the potential solution for
this
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 issue is that young people should allocate a specific
time
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 or day to do their preferred activities. To illustrate,
students
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 need to escape from life
pressure
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, helping them release their negative feelings.
Furthermore
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, the government should impose laws on various industries to regulate the employment process and avoid the unrealistic requirements of these jobs.
For instance
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, the Saudi government has imposed a law on private sector companies in order to provide a fair employment process and allow many job opportunities.

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task achievement
In the introduction, make sure to clearly state your opinion in response to the task. A more explicit thesis statement would strengthen your argument. For instance, consider stating that balancing work and leisure is crucial for young people's well-being.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, consider using more cohesive devices to help the flow of your ideas. For example, use linking words such as 'furthermore', 'however', or 'consequently' to clarify the relationships between your sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples, preferably from varied countries or cultures, to support your claims further. This will not only strengthen your argument but also showcase your understanding of the topic better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes it easier to follow and understand the points you are making.
task achievement
You identified relevant causes for the pressure young people face and proposed practical solutions, which is a key requirement of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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