IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to the same and look the same. do you agree or disagree

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that advertising has impacted every section of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
forcing
Wrong verb form
forced
show examples
 individuals to do the same and look the same which has resulted in destroying
individuality
Correct article usage
the individuality
show examples
 of a person. I agree with the given statement and my reasons will be explained below.
People
Use synonyms
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 are surrounded by advertisements. These are done through television, radio programs and newspapers. If a person sees a famous movie star in an ad promoting a specific product he will be tempted to buy that. Advertising is done in a way that we as a consumer cannot help but
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
look at it. They use catchy titles to attract customers.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if a popular actor is in an ad film in which he is encouraging to buy a skincare product
people
Use synonyms
 will want to do the same.
This
Linking Words
 results in
people
Use synonyms
 being similar to one another.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these days
people
Use synonyms
 focus more on status on
symbol
Fix the agreement mistake
symbols
show examples
. Individuals have lost their uniqueness because everyone wears the same clothing brands and
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
show examples
 similar things to show off their wealth.
People
Use synonyms
 have lost their own sense of style and try to copy what is shown in advertisements.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 want to buy
apple
Capitalize word
Apple
show examples
 phones to show their status symbol in society. One pays more attention to fit in society rather than giving priority to his own happiness.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
people
Use synonyms
 wearing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 clothes and using
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 products.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 do not influence our lives to a large extent. They believe, that
people
Use synonyms
 only purchase items which they can afford and really need.
Also
Linking Words
, they feel that individuals are different from one another and have not lost their identity.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 say
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 advertisements do not play a major role in our choices of lifestyle,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe that celebrity endorsements and status
symbol
Fix the agreement mistake
symbols
show examples
 convince
people
Use synonyms
 to do the same which causes everyone
look
Fix the infinitive
to look
show examples
 the same.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples and elaborate on your points to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next; consider using more linking words and phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your overall argument and lower your score.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a good amount of detail in your paragraphs, which shows an effort to explain your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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