IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say the fashion industry is bad for the environment, as it encourages consumers to buy new clothes all the time. Do you agree or disagree?

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It cannot be denied that
fashion
Use synonyms
 has a strong impact on
people
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's lives nowadays. We have been influenced by society to have a good appearance which made
people
Use synonyms
 spend a lot on clothing. From my perspective, I strongly believe that the
fashion
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industry
Use synonyms
 will be harmful to the
environment
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
fashion
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industry
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 is majority driven by society
such
Linking Words
 as celebrities, models,
as well as
Linking Words
 influencers. These
people
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 present how well
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion
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 runs their appearance;
how
Correct word choice
and how
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 they look good
on
Change preposition
in
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 different kinds of
clothes
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 follow and spend a significant amount of money on
clothes
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 that they might only wear on one occasion. Another consequence is that the more demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the purchases, the more supply the
fashion
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industry
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 needs to produce. Resulting in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
waste material which leads to a severe
environment
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. To
further
Linking Words
 explain
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point, some
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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 that
uses
Wrong verb form
is used
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 to produce
clothes
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 cannot be recycled or
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 time to decompose
and
Correct word choice
apply
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increases
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 waste.
On the other hand
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, even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
 these days is considered
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
fashion
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, they still believe that
the
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apply
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
 can still be useful for society. To illustrate, some
clothes
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 can be reused in several ways; we can donate them to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foundation or orphanage.
In addition
Linking Words
, some can be reused as cleaning tools.
Hence
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, these will be beneficial for the community and
environment
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. In conclusion,
although
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advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of fast
fashion
Use synonyms
 can be addressed, I strongly agree that the inevitable impacts of the
fashion
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industry
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 will be more harmful
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the future
environment
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 if we don’t
give
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support your arguments. Consider adding statistics or studies related to the environmental impacts of the fashion industry.
coherence and cohesion
While the structure is generally logical, some transitions between sentences could be smoother. For example, instead of starting a sentence with 'Resulting in a waste material', consider linking it to the previous sentence more clearly. Additionally, clarify your phrases for stronger readability.
coherence and cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'the more demand on the purchases' could be 'the higher the demand for purchases'). Proofreading for grammatical accuracy can enhance your writing quality.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, creating a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured, with topic sentences that indicate the main idea of each paragraph, which aids readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast fashion
  • mass production
  • environmental degradation
  • textile industry
  • water pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • synthetic fibers
  • buy-and-discard culture
  • landfill
  • decompose
  • sustainable fashion
  • eco-friendly
  • natural resources
  • chemical treatment
  • second-hand stores
  • thrift stores
  • fashion consumption
  • ecological impact
What to do next:
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