IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

question is In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

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Nowadays, a lot of
athletes
Use synonyms
 in professional
sports
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 are taking prohibited substances to improve their athletic performance.
This
Linking Words
 problem is mainly
due to
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 the competitive spirit around professional
sports
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 and the increased social
pressure
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 these
athletes
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 are facing. To stop
this
Linking Words
 kind of cheating, I recommend improving the culture surrounding these
sports
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 and having
sport event
Fix the agreement mistake
sports events
show examples
 a lot more often Countries invest massively in
sports
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, and it is becoming more competitive by the day, urging
athletes
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sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 to do whatever it takes to win or score better even if they
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 to cheat by doping. These
athletes
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 are often put in very difficult situations where they are being watched by thousands or millions of people who root for them.
This
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 will add a lot to their
pressure
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 and can play with their mental health to think that they will not be capable of winning on their own,
therefore
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, they tend to
relay
Correct your spelling
rely
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 on these unethical ways to increase their strength and improve their performance. Having someone in my family who used to play Olympic Weightlifting professionally made me realize that desperation can lead to doing harmful things to oneself like considering the idea of taking banned substances to improve performance. To mitigate
this
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 issue in my opinion, we should improve the culture around
sports
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 today by reevaluating the teaching methods
and
Correct word choice
apply
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stop training
by comparison
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 and start making
athletes
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 believe in their abilities without the outside
pressure
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.
In addition
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, holding official
sports
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 events more often,
for example
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, the Olympics,
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
have it
Verb problem
be
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 every year
instead
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 of every two years to lessen the
pressure
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 on the
athletes
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 and assure them that they have more opportunities and that they should not risk cheating. In conclusion, taking banned substances can be very
desperate
Correct word choice
difficult
show examples
 because of the competitive nature of professional
sports
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 and the huge social expectations that surround them. having a healthier training environment and more chances to compete can lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
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 use of
such
Linking Words
 drugs.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to make it more precise, clearly outlining the causes and solutions you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs have clear topic sentences that summarise the main idea of the paragraph effectively.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your points, especially in relation to the solutions you propose.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a personal anecdote that adds depth to your argument regarding the pressures faced by athletes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
What to do next:
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