IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

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The two graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the proportion of
femal
Correct your spelling
female
females
 who face poverty and percentages of different age groups for both
sexual
Replace the word
sexes
show examples
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 single
women
Use synonyms
 with dependent kids was the biggest number among other categories.
While
Linking Words
maried femal
Correct your spelling
married females
 with no babies
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the smallest cycle.
In addition
Linking Words
, the rate of poverty of
women
Use synonyms
 fluctuated for all ages.
Whereas
Linking Words
 men under five
years
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
highest number
then
Linking Words
 decreasing
graduall
Correct your spelling
gradually
gradual
 when they grow up.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, single
women
Use synonyms
 with no children
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 around the half of percentage. There was almost 26 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of girls with dependent babies.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
femal
Correct your spelling
female
females
 with dependent kids was
account
Wrong verb form
accounted
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 around 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was just 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of married
women
Use synonyms
 without children. In the second bar chart,
femal
Correct your spelling
females
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who were under 5
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 stood at more than 20%. From 5 to 17
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the figure declined slowly to approximately 17%. The rate of poverty of men continued
filling
Verb problem
rising
show examples
 and hit the lowest percentage at nearly 7 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for men who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 75
years
Use synonyms
 and above.
While
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 reached a peak at 18 until 24
years
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 filling to around 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for older people from 75 and more.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, years, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • financial hardship
  • proportion
  • poverty line
  • socio-economic factors
  • employment opportunities
  • wage disparities
  • age groups
  • intersect
  • social policies
  • targeted interventions
  • disproportionately affected
  • comparative analysis
  • statistical representation
  • data visualization
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