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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the best way to teach children to behave well is through punishment, others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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The best method to raise a well-behaved child remains a highly debated topic in psychology, particularly in addressing
behavioral
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behavioural
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 issues. Some
parents
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 believe in punishing their
children
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 for mistakes, considering it an effective way to correct bad
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behavior
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behaviour
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. Others argue that rewarding good
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behavior
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behaviour
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 is a more productive approach.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and argue in
favor
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favour
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 of positive reinforcement over
punishment
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." "
Parents
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 who discipline their
children
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 through
punishment
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 often see changes in their
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
However
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, these changes are usually temporary and vary among individuals. Some
children
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 avoid certain
actions
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 to gain their
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parents'
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parent's
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 approval,
while
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 others continue their
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behavior
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behaviour
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 in secret.
For example
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, if a boy smokes a cigarette and his father punishes him, he may learn to hide his habit rather than quit smoking.
Consequently
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,
punishment
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 may prevent undesirable
actions
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 in front of
parents
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 but fails to change a child's internal values." "
On the other hand
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, reinforcing positive
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behavior
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behaviour
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 through rewards encourages long-term character development.
Children
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 often seek their
parents
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’ attention, and if good
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 is not acknowledged, they may resort to negative
actions
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 to receive a reaction. By rewarding positive
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
—whether through praise, small incentives, or verbal encouragement—
children
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 associate good
actions
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 with parental approval. If
misbehavior
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misbehaviour
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 is simply discouraged without excessive attention,
children
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 are less likely to repeat it." "In conclusion,
while
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punishment
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 may lead to short-term obedience, it does not influence a child's core beliefs. Encouraging positive
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behavior
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behaviour
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 through rewards fosters long-term discipline, self-motivation, and emotional well-being.
Therefore
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, using positive reinforcement rather than
punishment
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 is the most effective approach to raising well-behaved
children
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task achievement
Ensure that all points in the discussion are equally developed to enhance the depth of analysis.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples in the paragraphs to support your arguments further.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is strong; however, using cohesive devices more strategically can improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and effectively discusses both perspectives on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is well-organized, with a solid introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Behavioral norms
  • Social boundaries
  • Consequences
  • Resentment
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Approval
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Consistency
  • Clear communication
  • Psychological research
  • Practical outcomes
  • Discipline
  • Nurturing
  • Behavioral psychology
  • Operant conditioning
  • Constructive criticism
What to do next:
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