IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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A sizable share of citizens consider that countries dedicate too much
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
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 and attention to the matter of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
birds
Change the noun form
bird
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 protection. Personally, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 position. First of all, I am convinced that all living creatures are part and parcel of
food
Use synonyms
 chains. All
animals
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 were created with specific purposes, being a source of
food
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 for people,
as well as
Linking Words
 for other
animals
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,
for example
Linking Words
. It means that if some parts of these chains are destroyed, it can cause many deaths and might be harmful to the ecosystems in general. Rabbits,
for instance
Linking Words
, are consumed by many predators. Their extinction might be followed by the absence of resources for these
animals
Use synonyms
' lives.
Therefore
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, they will, possibly, die or
invase pople's
Correct your spelling
invade people's
 homes
while
Linking Words
 searching for
food
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all
animals
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 ought to be protected at appropriate levels.
In addition
Linking Words
,
birds
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 play a significant role in the agricultural sector. They keep the balance between the number of insects and plants which might be eaten by them. Their lifestyle helps farmers obtain high
yield
Fix the agreement mistake
yields
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 from their fields.
For example
Linking Words
, by eating grasshoppers,
birds
Use synonyms
 protect crops from being devastated. It provides inhabitants involved in the agricultural area with sustainable lives.
Hence
Linking Words
, governments must allocate a significant share of their income for the protection of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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flying creatures from extinction. In conclusion, I take the view that wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and
birds
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 cannot be neglected as they are integral parts of
food
Use synonyms
 chains and they play a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
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 the
succeed
Replace the word
success
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 of the agricultural sector.
Therefore
Linking Words
, authorities cannot decrease the amount of money and their attention to their protection.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to support your points. This would enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to address the opposing viewpoint briefly to strengthen your argument; this shows critical thinking.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and supports it with logical reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally clear, with identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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